| we vs. i want you babies |
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| 11:48am 13/01/2005 |
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mood:  fuhfuhfuhnord. music: camper van beethoven - i am talking to this flower
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home dawgs,
we needs to practice. hardcore. this klezmer cabaret crazy train don't come fo free, ya'll get me?
and we need shows. anyone?
i need a life.
i also need sex. jensinagetyerassoverhere.
life is so boring.
cheers
joe |
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| 11:46am 03/01/2005 |
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mood:  pleasant, yet tired music: bad library music
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ok, so time for joe's favorite/most influential/most listened-to bands/albums of 2004!
these are not necessarily reflective of my tastes right now - just what i liked this year. they are sort of in an order (most influential/life changin'), but it's flexible.
0. The Oxford Farm Report (Demos)
1. Tub Ring (Zoo Hypothesis)
2. Bobby Conn (The Homeland)
3. Skeleton Key (Obtainium)
4. Devo (Various)
5. McLusky (McLusky Do Dallas > You)
6. Estradasphere (Buck Fever / Silent Elk)
7. Brainiac (everything, again, of course)
8. We vs. the Shark (Ruin Everything!)
9. Dresden Dolls (S/t)
10. Ex Models (Zoo Psychology)
11. Tears for Fears (Shout: Best of / The Hurting)
12. The Faint (Danse Macabre / Wet from Birth)
yes! there are 12!
and i just bought Sleepytime Gorilla Museum of natural history, which is THE SEX. not even teh sexxors - it's better. VHS or Beta is OK.
-joe.
PS - the OFR OWNS YOU. |
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| 03:47pm 14/12/2004 |
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mood:  FLAH music: we vs the shark - see carolina's fastest trees
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www.myspace.com/theoxfordfarmreport
BITCHS. |
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| el chupacabra! |
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| 01:30pm 04/10/2004 |
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mood:  wooooooo music: df hvjfdvjh
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we vs. the shark is coming here! tomorrow!
tuesday, october 5.
AND I DONT KNOW WHERE.
we have to find out, so that people can gooooo.
everyone who can go, by the way, go. they = t3h s3xx0rz.
on another note, by the way, my modem is screwed, so i ahve no internet. that's why i'm not online. woooot wooot.
wed., fri. braun grace and i practice. WHOOOOOO. crazy spazz.
egi f j mk kj |
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| 09:40pm 27/09/2004 |
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mood:  lost music: nothing. blah.
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You know, right now i'm not finding things so good.
If i start ot analyze this, and if i start to try to justify this, then i realize the futility of it. I'll realize the bullshit of it. but then, you can justify anything into nonexistance. you ycan be a realist until nothing matters. until it's all nihilsm. and then, how real - how pragmatic, how practical - is that?
i'm not very happy, y'know. it' funny. i've gotten to the point that' i've not allowed genuine sadness. it's all bullshit depression and bleak sarcasm. shit that doesn't even exist. i've labeled depressed peopel; it's almost become a stigma to be unhappy for real. what bullshit. i feel almost ashamed of some things, and i feel some things i've apologized for are justified. it's not real however you look at it.
so, is this mystical enough? does it share nothing? sorry, welcome to a real journal entry. i don't have to explain myself to myself, and if i explain ti to you, you knwo i'm just fishing for sympathy. i'll tell yo uwhen that happens.
the point is, i'm not happy anymore. and i'm an ass some times. i feel like an ass all the time. and i'm lonely as hell. which is funny, since the one person whose been there for me the whole itme is the one i've ignored the most.
and, as a side note, anyone who feels the need to make a comment about me talking about jensina again, please go take a flying fuck at a rolling donut and quit reading the goddamn journal.
right now y senses are so wackd out. it's the same old extrasensitive gig. everything's big. everything's loud. my eyes feel dry and puffy.
it's sad when i get the point that thoughts of suicide are nonchalant. i fucking hate suicidal people.
and fuck every goddamn one of my friends. i'm sick of making fun of people. i'm so sick of judging people. so fuck you - i get along fine with nancyboy. he's not a bad guy, if you can get past his problems, which coincidentally are not nearly as bad as ours.
and fuck you everybody - i like braun. he's honest. he's an attention whore, but he's a hell of a lot more fun than most people. does he get old? sure. but so does everything else. i'm fucking glad everyone's not just like me or my freidns. i wish other people would see that. i'm tired of being mean when i could just be accpeting.
and not accepting like ALex, because that's bullshit too. that's just learning not to opne your mouth, not learning to not judge.
and when the fuck will people learn to have fun?
o've lost my point. it's fake again, because the weird sense has gone away and i'm forcing it.
starting tomorrow, i'm going to be different.
HAHA. BULLSHIT.
but like my crappy creative writing poem said, resolution, no matter how false and fleeting, can get you through the day. or get me to sleep, as it should.
and motherfucker, i like intercranialpressure. SO THERE. |
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| 11:56pm 16/09/2004 |
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mood:  arrrf music: flogging molly - tobacco
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10 new cd downloads:
1. flogging molly - within a mile of home
well, they've changed. quite a bit. less irish. more rock. more country. i wasn't very impressed on first listen, but every time since then it's grown on me. not quite swagger, but there's still something to be said for it. i think it matters what you listen to it with as well, since the mix sounds bad on some speakers - too much electric guitar, not enough irish instruments. they're there, just lower than i prefer. anywho, though, if you like flogging molly, get it definately.
2. tom waits - rain dogs
nothing needs to be said of this. GRAND.
3. Mastodon - Leviathan
Blah. Not as good as the last one. Too metally for me.
4. Comets on Fire - Blue Cathedral
been seeing this around. thought i'd check it out. but you know, it didn't clikc with me. blaech.
5. Wolfsheim - spectators.
ANGST! ANGST ! and CATCHY CATCHY ANGST AT THAT!
6. BoyHitsCar - My Animal
I downloaded this simply to remind myself that these guys were once good. i needed that, after listening to the self titled again for the first time in a year or more. egh. egh egh egh. but man this cd rocks. all new metal bands should do 9 minute psychadelic east indian space outs.
7. trevor dunn's trio convulsant
odd avant jazz. if you had the patience for delirium cordia, you might like this. but it does take patience.
8. Clawfinger - We are not men, we are not devo
Clawfinger does the whole first devo album, punkyfied, lowfi. then some originals. i like it.
9. we are not devo - yet another devo tribute
OK, this has some rockin covers on it. here are the really really good ones:
Snowball - Don Knotts Overdrive
El Mongoloido - Possum Dixon
Love Without Anger - Aquabats
other than that it's mainly devo gone punk... with some ska and new wave for good measure.
10. skeleton key live at the metro
new skeleton key songs!!! gasp!! and they are teh goodness! but the recording sucks and the guy can't sing live. |
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| 03:07pm 09/09/2004 |
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i am hacking joe's livejournal. who am i?
i am...
TEH 1337H4xx0r!!!!!1
LOL
Why does the light always go out when you are sitting in the farthest corner?
Clearly, had it been so, I would have, but it having not been so, I did. Now undo it. |
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| save often or switch |
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| 03:06pm 09/09/2004 |
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mood: curvy picture music: depressed mode
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The funny thing is, after finally getting this computer, I don’t even wanna type anything.
SORRY.
You’re ruining society.
That’s a lot of computers that don’t work.
Oh my god, I’m on a streak here.
NO! NO-OH!
Joe, are you just listening to people and typing what they say?
What?!?!?
It’s like an AIM conversation with one person.
ALL CAPS. Lowercase lowercase lowercase.
Joe’s an idiot. I said that.
No Joe. Joe, not Joey.
PRINT.
Story of my life. AAARRRGH.
Alex isn’t used to that.
Different planes. *makes hand motion*
Yeah, yeah.
You were here.
Oh, whh-oops.
I thought he was eating his buttons.
You don’t understand it.
I was reading it upside down.
I got nothing.
Different.
No, not funny. Don’t laugh.
If you can imagine a Mexican black mage, that’s what they look like.
Joey, you’re in the future.
10 was terrible.
I like 7.
They all look like you.
Smurf off.
Kjj!
Oh, tricky.
The light run-on.
Nostalgia kicking.
Irrepressed a memory.
Save often or switch.
I feel you.
Nah, I’m okay.
Thank you.
LOLOLOLOLZZZZ!!!!11one!/ |
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| Don't read, just have to transport this. |
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| 12:23am 07/09/2004 |
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mood: allergies music: estradasphere
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Starry Night
So we're driving overnight,
straight-line road to Home. Point A to Point B.
It's a bitch, but it saves on motels.
And discussion leads to One Thing and Another.
There was this magician I saw once -
he called me onstage to put swords through me...
(Stop me if you've heard this one already.)
I got in his humid black box,
and he flashed his teeth at me, like paparazzi,
as he closed the lid. I felt like a star.
so i waited. and waited. and waited.
the flashing stage lights eventually crept through,
in little holes where the lid connected,
and illuminated the twirling particles of dust.
Like a universe in a silk coffin.
I'm beginning to wonder.
Maybe something went wrong -
Where was the trapdoor?
Where was the smoke, and the mirrors?
I don't trust this man.
But,
then,
The doors swing and the music blares,
and it's really very much like being Born Again.
You don't know why you're smiling,
but you're smiling hard.
And you can't fake that sort of thing.
The road curves.
Now she says she has heard that one before,
But she really likes it better every God-damned time.
Resolution can get you through The Day.
I've resolved to give up.
But she never agrees,
and sometimes I feel like I'll never make my Point.
So,
we ride on in silence.
Unwashed windows make for washed-out skies,
and The Night is a lost Van Gogh.
Oh, and what a night. Yeah,
but "beautiful" isn't something I'll brave the fire for.
And it's hot as Hell down here.
But then,
They always said it's not the heat, it's the humidity.
It's like God's got us trapped in a black box -
a thousand twinkling pricks of light,
like eyes of needles.
And i swear:
I'm only wanting to make my Point. |
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| 09:49pm 30/08/2004 |
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mood:  restless music: mountain goats - the monkey song
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so, life's going. it's been fairly.
everytime i feel like i have something to say on here, i really don't. my mind goes blank. what's the point of it anyway? you guys don't really care, and i don't really WANT to write stuff out.
anyway, once i've thought something, it's old.
well.
um.
i love you jensina! |
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| 04:12pm 23/08/2004 |
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i feel really alone lately. nobody's happy anymore. everyone is concerned with their lives. so concerned they don't even notice their life going by. i guess we're all worn down. or grown up. there's been a lot of growing up lately. i've been clutching the tatters of "the good old days" frantically in order to stop this. i guess m
why do we have to lose our imagination? i can think of nothing sadder than growing up, at least in the sense that it is used. it means losing everything that really matters. at least to me. it means losing beauty. it means losing dreams. it means losing laughter. it means losing soul.
i'm tired of all the bitterness. i'm tired of the cynicism. i'm tired of the satire. there's no beauty anymore to counterbalance it. i don't want to become a "responsible" "adult". it's bullshit, no matter what paint job you put on it. what do you really gain by it? you climb the ladder. you get your job. you get accepted. what have you gotten? are you really happy? and why are you happy? what really makes you happy?
memories. memories are our invention. if i went through my whole life without one memory i would be perfectly happy. if i could just be another, less cognizant animal, i could be happy. we overthink, we overanalyze. we ruin.
it's not growing up. it's dying.
and sorry if i offend anyone by this, but fuck god. there's not one person on earth that could convince me that there is a god out there. god pales in comparison with my mind. god pales in comparison to anyone's mind. god is a creation of someone's mind. i'm sick of pretending like i'm unsure about that.
we only have a short life. we have the intelligence to control ourselves to some degree. if we were really intelligent, though, maybe we'd try to use that control being happy for now. yeah, i'm a hedonist, but why the hell not? in 60 years i'll be rotting away. i don't believe in an afterlife other than what is conjured by my mind. why shouldn't i just enjoy life?
the fufillment of working, of all that bullshit - of money - that wasn't here until us. it was invented by us. which means you DONT NEED IT TO BE HAPPY.
everything that you do that does not make you happy is killing you. deal with it.
i'm not saying give up everything and go live in the woods. it's not that simple or moronic. it's just that we all are pursuing goals that are not our own.
but i suppose that isn't the point. the point is, i don't want to lose my connection. i don't want to lose my ability to dream, and to imagine. as a verb. not imagine something, but just imagine. to create without product.
i don't want to lose the wonder. i would really rather die.
don't you tell me what i need to be happy. i need love. i need laughter. i need music. that's about all i can think of that's really important to me. i will work for them, and i wish i could say that's all i'll work for.
and don't you even try to tell me we haven't lost our soul. i can only wonder how the knowledge of it doesn't crush what's left of us. |
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| 02:54am 22/08/2004 |
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mood:  okeedokee music: louise - leo kottke. concert in oct! yeah, imma loser.
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lesigh.
you know,
i gotta say,
there's no other way to describe life
other than:
it's surprisingly life-like.
they said that louise was not half bad
it was written on the walls and windowsills |
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| fuck. |
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| 02:11am 31/07/2004 |
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mood:  lonely music: none. pentangle a minute ago.
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the minute she got off the phone. i swear to god. it's like a busted dam.
i miss her so much. i've never felt like this before - it's not the same as just missing her, it's like a starving feeling. like holding your breath and not allowing yourself air even when you can't take it any more. it's like grieving or something. leaving her is like losing her, or at least it feels that way. i know it's not. but god i can't take another 6 months. even though i know i have to. goddamn this. and goddamn me for ever starting it.
and then again, goddamn me for even thinking that. |
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| s'ok |
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| 02:02pm 22/07/2004 |
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mood: okeedokee music: pentangle - the trees they grow high
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alrighty, well, here's the dealio.
i've been up at jensina's for almost two weeks. i leave on saturday. i don't want to leave, but then, at the same time, i'll be glad to get back to the safety and security of... my guitar. as of right now, jensina is at work. here's what's happened on this trip, as far as i can remember, in no particular order:
- the flight - arrived at my gate in the cincinatt airport. waited. read about H. H. Holmes. sat beside some crazy old lady on the plane. got to the minneapolis airport. waited about an hour for my bag to get there.
- went to mall of america. boy did it suxx0rz. etc. etc.
- saw Two Brothers. 'twas good, actually.
- walked around downtown. saw a lot of strange people.
- drank a lot of chai.
- watched a buncha movies. zombie, dead hate the living, memento, brazil, rumplestiltskin, heavenly creatures (oh god i love this movie), etc.
- bought a lot of used cds. b-52s, breeders, depeche mode, and an awful tribute to the pixies.
- got caught involved in sexual activities. barely got out of it. this kinda sucked.
- saw sleepover. she gets into these movies free, folks. it was fun watching the kids in front of us.
- drank a lot of propel.
- went to the zoo. tree kangaroos!!
- hurt my knee, bad. i can barely walk.
yeah.
well, i thought that i had done more interesting stuff, but i suppose not.
anyway, in all seriousness, i needed this vacation so much. you have no idea. i don't feel as stressed and tired and worried anymore. i will return a much happier person. |
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| 11:25am 18/07/2004 |
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mood: YEEEEEP music: intercranialpressure - concept album - 02 - the american way
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ok, example of a particularly bad situation.
you and another person, who'll we'll call person b, are naked in a room, doing the kind of things naked people do. person b's mother walks in.
person b's mother calls person b over. long, long nervous silences. the next morning, you are stuck in the house with person b's mother while person b is at work.
for SEVEN HOURS.
yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. |
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| TWENTY-THREE |
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| 01:40pm 14/07/2004 |
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mood:  BUNNYYYYY music: BUNNYYYYYYYYYY
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I am at jensina's house.
I am happy.
I love her lotsa lotsa.
showers are good. |
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| 03:00pm 06/06/2004 |
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music: perfect disguise (BBC Radio 1 Session)
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| 02:55pm 06/06/2004 |
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mood:  i gotta peeeee music: flogging molly - to youth (my sweet roison dubh)
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mister_fingers's journal
rice!